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Recipe for Finding Love Again

We know how you feel! Starting over is really difficult when it comes to love and marriage. Getting a divorce, breaking up, or losing the one you love due to their death can be overwhelmingly painful.

The simple truth is this – you entered into your loving relationship with another person expecting it to last forever. But all acts of love are, we are afraid to say, not everlasting.

As the old song goes, “Breaking up is hard to do” – whether that breakup is due to death or falling out of love – the pain is still not minimized. It is hard to start over. It is downright challenging to find true love again.

For nearly three decades, we have studied successful love and relationships. We know what makes love and relationships work. But the truth is, sometimes relationships – started with the best of intentions – don’t work. And sometimes, and regrettably so, the one you love dies.

If you are faced with finding new love, we have discovered some simple truths that will help you make the appropriate transition to new love. If you pay close and particular attention to the following recipe for finding love again, you will be well on your way in your pursuit of new love.

1. Get healthy -- mentally and physically. Take time to heal and stabilize. You can't make appropriate decisions "off-balance" or in an unhealthy state. Get well first! You will be much better served. The best decisions in life come when you are healthy. Believe us when we say this!

2. Understand, you cannot find love on the rebound. Don't get in a hurry to find your next love. Doing so will only lead to disaster and disillusionment. You think you are in love with your "rebound love," but your love is not a lasting love. Be patient.

3. Recognize that your next love will come along when you find someone who shares your interests. You need to develop your interests -- be it kayaking, camping out, going to your place of worship for social events, going dancing, or whatever. You need to find your comfort zone -- a place where you can find happiness. You are much more likely to attract a potential mate if you go to places where the likelihood exists that there are others there who share your interests.

4. Enjoy what you have! If you have beautiful children, good health, and friends and family who love you unconditionally, you already have more than most people have in this world. Always keep in mind this simple notion -- being loved by your children and your family is the greatest gift of all. Don't ever take their love for granted!

5. Count your blessings! In the end, remember this – it should be your life's goal to be loved by people that matter, by people that support you, by people who believe that you are worthy, and by people who stand by you through thick and thin. In the end, these are the things that matter. These are the things that will make you happy for a lifetime. Take stock of the things in your life that really matter and then focus on your blessings.

6. The best things in life come your way when you least expect them -- when you are content to let nature take its course. The "butterfly of life" has this simple lesson -- if you find yourself in a meadow and there are butterflies all around, always remember, if you grab at the butterfly, it will fly away. If you just sit under a tall Oak Tree and enjoy all the love the butterfly brings, it will gently land on your shoulder. Don't try so hard to find love. Be patient and it will come your way.

7. Always judge people you are interested in by their actions and not by their words. Words don't matter -- only actions! You can learn a lot about a person by observing them. The simple truth is, most people are what they are -- and you can't change them -- you can't fix them. Pervasive characteristics – those recurring patterns of thought and behavior that guide actions – do matter. The litmus test of love is always about actions and behaviors -- not words! These are among the most important lessons of life. We hope that you find the new love you want and that you find him or her soon. Having companionship is one of the most cherished gifts of life and love. Never forget these simple lessons for finding love again.

Good luck in finding love again. Love well.

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

Authors of Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book 2009 Nautilus Book Awards
(Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.

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